The God confusion

2008 November 10

by Science, Reason & Rationality
Article ID: 1259

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“It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men.” ~ Carl Sagan

Hello. My name is God, and I am an atheist. I don’t believe in gods because there are no gods who created me and there’s no one else here to compare myself to. I just have always existed. I didn’t evolve from anything. I am now just as I always have been, and will always be that it in the future. Messes with your head, doesn’t it? Think of how I feel!

But, what if there is a god who created me? I don’t see any other gods here except me, so why should I believe in another god? How about faith? Can faith establish that there is another god? No way! That’s just being silly. Even if I do have a creator, who created that god? No, that’s a faulty line of reasoning. I am the one and only. There is no other god but me. Right? Before I could know of another god, there must first be hard evidence and genuine scientific proof. That’s not going to happen, because I am God, I’d know of such things.

Okay, just me then. Now that I’ve got that question solved, what am I going to do now? There’s a lot of black empty space out here and I’m getting really bored! I gotta do something. Maybe I should create a “Big Boom” or a “Big Bam” or some kind of huge explosion and see what happens.

[A gigantic, mind-numbing, multiverse-shaking explosion ensues...]

…Okay, so I guess that was more of a “Big Bang”. Not bad, not bad at all. I’m an instant artist! Look at these beautiful stars, planets, and galaxies.

I’m impressed. I’m the greatest thing in this whole universe. But then, I’m the only one here, so I’m greatest by default. I suppose I could create other gods, and challenge them so that I can see for myself if I am indeed the greatest. On second thought, that may be a bad idea. What if they beat me? Or form evil alliances against me and revolt? That’ll be embarrassing. And what if they ask me who created me? Since I am the one who created them, they might think there must be some other god who created me. They’ll stop worshipping me, and look for other gods. Not acceptable. Moreover, they’re not gonna believe me if I said I just came into being out of nothing. Still, I could force them to believe whatever I want them to believe. Or I could punish the non-believers. I’ll have to give this some thought.

[Some time later...]

I’m bored. I’ve created everything I wanted to create. Am I going to be the only one admiring my own work? That would be lame. …I know! What if, instead of creating new gods, I create some tiny little creatures on one or more of these planets? They won’t be as powerful as a god, so they won’t be a threat to me. I’ll design them unable to see me, but they can see all my genius works. They can admire my work and praise me for it. It’ll be fun seeing them trying to figure out what the heck is going on. I can see it now: some will claim that they know me and have spoken to me or I have spoken to them, and they’ll use my name to start a religion. Soon, there will be a whole bunch of them and they’ll be killing each other to prove which Me is the one and only “true” Me. And I’ll never speak to any one of them. Anything they think is my voice will be misinterpretation or self-delusion.

This will be good entertainment. Should keep my boredom away. I get to be movie director. Producer too. And the whole special effects production crew. To paraphrase someone I’m about to create, “it’s good to be the god!”

Okay, got a little sidetracked there. Back to the plan. Those “religion” businessmen will use really effective marketing strategies in order to control others, making people behave with a predetermined right and wrong. All in my name, of course. That’ll cause problems, but those are their problems, not mine. I just want an audience.

Now, what will my creatures look like? I can’t make them all look exactly like me. They’ll need some variation on a common theme. Shall I create them all supernaturally with a finger snap? Or shall I use evolution by natural selection? No, that one will take far too long. I don’t want to wait. I need worshipers now. Chop chop! I want love. I want fear. I want worship. And I’ll get it. Or I’ll throw any rebels into a burning lake of fish. No, not fish. There’s not enough intimidation there. Fire, I’ll use a burning lake of fire. Hell, what a beautiful plan!

My creatures should never know about this stage of my confusion. I am God! I am perfect! I get everything right the first time! That’s all they need to know… And no matter what I details I let slip, I’m sure someone will create a better version of this story anyway. Or versions. Just like the religion business, there’ll be a whole bunch of variations on my story, all trying to compete with each other, so I don’t have to worry about my reputation.

Okay, enough thinking and talking to myself. Let’s do this.

[A loud, sustained whooshing sound is heard...]

…and done. I’ve got a bunch of weird creatures, including those based vaguely in my image: humans. There’s one boy and one girl. I’ll need to make more. Or they could save me the effort, and do something to each other to multiply. They can self-procreate without me. All I need to do is to create the first species of everything and give them all the ability to self-replicate.

[Loud, sustained squelching noises are heard...]

I think I’ve had enough of this. I thought I wouldn’t be bored, but I am. Things are not working out the way I really wanted. I want to delete it all and reformat everything. I’m lonely, fed up and now bored. I can’t kill myself. …or can I? If I were to kill myself, would any of my followers notice the difference?

Okay, whether or not I decide to commit Divine Suicide, let me give a deathbed confession: let me tell you how I came into being. How I was created. Are you ready for this?

It’s you.

Yes, you heard me. You. You are my God, since you created me. Well, that’s not literally true. It wasn’t all you, but your kind. People like you, living long, long ago - those people created me. Though my original stories were nothing more than explanations of the world before science and sociology, these magic tricks and uneducated thoughts exist today.

Don’t be mad. Don’t be depressed. I will still exist for as long as you want me too. Oh, by the way, the devil, angels, ghosts and anything Sylvia Browne says are also completely made up. I’m really, really sorry. But I can’t take all the blame. If you paid more attention in class during science, psychology and a few other related subjects, you probably wouldn’t be such an emotional wreck right now, and you’d be able to handle this with no problem.

And there you go. Being God, I already know that some of you will begin to think about what I’ve said here and free yourselves from the slave chains of religion, the supernatural and superstitious beliefs. And some will still want to believe I exist and my old made-up stories are legit. But I’m telling you this now because I think the time is right. There’s too much damage done already by this unethical business practice of religion. You don’t need those ignorant and outdated stories designed to control and manipulate. It’s time for you to free yourself and live your life to the fullest. Unless you’re some psycho, you can probably do that without causing harm to others. For those who still insist that I am real, well go ahead if it really makes you happy. But don’t think for a second that others are simply going to keep quiet.

“At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.” ~ Aldous Huxley

“To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure; to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy.” ~ David Brooks

Stand-up comedian George Carlin gives his views on religion, god and prayer. Carlin’s views have content that some people consider offensive.

George Carlin

The videos below are suitable for all viewers.

God’s Plan is Impossible

Atheism and the Null Hypothesis

Where Did Our Universe Come From?

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10 Comments leave one →

2008 November 10

The Thomas permalink

That was a fun and funny story.

2008 November 11

matt the coolist permalink

“Can faith establish that there is another god? No way! That’s just being silly. Even if I do have a creator, who created that god? No, that’s a faulty line of reasoning”

Hummmmm, not knowing an answear to something makes that something faulty reasoning. That’s interesting. Kinda like when you go to a doctor who gives you something for your problem and that something dosn’t solve the problem. What does the doctor say? Will he/she is not responding to what I gave him/her, so “I’m not sure what “we” can do for theme.” Their not responding to what we gave theme. It’s his/her fault that I can’t “cure” him/her! I’m not God! If you have spent any time in a hospital you know exacly what I’m taking about.

But I’m here to ask a question to try and understand the science minds of today. First, I have this idea that to view something in science you need to have an objective mind. Is this true? I also have an understanding that when Darwin started his Evolution thoery, he did so bassed on his loss of his daughter. If this is true (and please sent the record straight for me) than how can we look at his work objectively? Certainly, if he went out to prove that there is no God, than he can not na should not be taken so literally.

2008 November 12

Science, Reason & Rationality permalink

matt the coolist: Hummmmm, not knowing an answear to something makes that something faulty reasoning. That’s interesting. Kinda like when you go to a doctor who gives you something for your problem and that something dosn’t solve the problem. What does the doctor say? Will he/she is not responding to what I gave him/her, so “I’m not sure what “we” can do for theme.” Their not responding to what we gave theme. It’s his/her fault that I can’t “cure” him/her! I’m not God! If you have spent any time in a hospital you know exacly what I’m taking about.

Nick: Hi Matt, you’ve misinterpreted it.

Not knowing an answer to something does not make that something faulty reasoning. Instead, it’s simply, not knowing something or not knowing the something, at least just yet if at all there’s something to it. Placing faith on something not knowing the answer to that something is what makes that something faulty reasoning.

In your doctor scenario example, the doctors clearly expressed they don’t know why the patient is not responding to the “something” they gave. This something was produced through medical testing. If this “something” let’s say it was a drug, the doctors “know” that it should have worked in normal circumstances. Note: the doctors are not placing faith on the drug. They know from previous repeated tests done on it that it always worked. When a particular drug does not work, then further tests need to be done on the patient, the drug and other relevant factors to identify the real reason why the drug did not work or why the patient did not respond to the drug or what could be other factors involved that made the drug not work.

Only an irresponsible or uninformed or unlicensed or an alternative medicine practitioner or simply a “by the book” doctor or all of the above who can’t think scientifically and ethically, will say such things like, “Well, he/she is not responding to what I gave him/her, so “I’m not sure what “we” can do for them. Their not responding to what we gave them. It’s his/her fault that I can’t “cure” him/her! I’m not God!”

matt the coolist: But I’m here to ask a question to try and understand the science minds of today. First, I have this idea that to view something in science you need to have an objective mind. Is this true? I also have an understanding that when Darwin started his Evolution thoery, he did so bassed on his loss of his daughter. If this is true (and please sent the record straight for me) than how can we look at his work objectively? Certainly, if he went out to prove that there is no God, than he can not na should not be taken so literally.

Nick: On the topic of evolution, I feel it’s more of creationists attempting to establish that evolution is no better than creationism in the sense that it’s also based on faith and not evidence, just like the Big Bang. It’s like saying, “Hey! if I’m wrong, then so are you! You’re nothing better! I choose to have faith in creationism while you choose to have faith in evolutionism. That’s all!” Thinking this way does not help. The right approach to this is research. If you have something more credible than evolution, then go ahead prove it to us through the scientific method. That’s all there is to it. It’s not a matter of who’s better than who. It’s a matter of what method was taken to prove a claim and the best results it produced based on the kind of theory and method used to produce it.

2008 November 14

DrMatt permalink

Needs foleys in place of the descriptions of foleys.

2008 November 14

Science, Reason & Rationality permalink

I agree. What do you say Andy?

2008 November 14

DB Skeptic permalink

>What do you say Andy?

Hm… let’s look at a possible foley:

[Loud, sustained squelching noises are heard...]

…is this really something you’d like to hear me make?!

2008 November 14

Science, Reason & Rationality permalink

LOL! ;-D Well, not by yourself. Do it with some special effects sounds… I think you’ve done it before in the audio version for another DBSkeptic article. Don’t really remember which one but it sounded quite kool…

2008 November 14

Science, Reason & Rationality permalink

BTW, how do I get an image posted with my comments like yours?

2008 November 15

DB Skeptic permalink

BTW, how do I get an image posted with my comments like yours?

It’s very easy: Go to this link to get the detail.

2008 November 15

Science, Reason & Rationality permalink

Hey! It works! Thanks Andy. Looks a lot cooler now…

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The God confusion

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