Mistakes God made: Where is the Mongoose of Truth?
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By Andy Kaiser
Article ID: 141
imagine
the Creation of the Universe
watch
a true God in His Act Of First Creation
time
is forever
and never
space
is an infinite
pinprick
there is nothing
except One
who is Alpha and Omega
the Creator gathers to Himself
energy
in an effortless collection of All That Will Be
after an eons-long mental glance
at a Very Long and Holy Checklist
He begins
there is an explosion of pure thought
a torrential rush of raw, primal creation
Light
Darkness
The Heavens
The Firmament
Man and Woman
God
holds the creation aloft in one cosmic hand
He
turns it back and forth
examining
with multiverses of experience
and a perfectly-evolved
I
that sees All
when He speaks
this too is a miracle
as the Universe hears the first words after its own wondrous birth
the Lord of all looks down on creation
reflecting these works of His might
He stops, considers and says with a shrug
“Sorry. Let’s call it ‘Version 1′, all right?”
The Christian god is supposed to be infallible and perfect, but he’s not. Consider this list of mistakes God made.
Noah’s Ark
The ark itself wasn’t a mistake, but a symptom of a bigger problem. It’s a great story for kids, until they get older. They they start asking how and why. It’s quite a puzzle when you have a loving god murdering almost everyone alive, when the god created those people in the first place.
So we have the story of Noah’s Ark: in probably the biggest admitted mistake in all of humankind’s existence, God says, “Sorry, world, you’re just not working out. I’m going to destroy you and try again. Hey, Noah, ‘Humankind 1.0′ is acting a little buggy. I’m going to reboot the computer in a little bit. Trust me on this – Get in a boat.”
And yea, God said, “Whoops. My bad.”
The Tower of Babel
Here we have the massive, intelligent, ambitious culture of Babel, whose accomplishments are symbolized by the construction of a gigantic tower. Worried that the people of Babel won’t need him anymore, God curses the people of Babel into speaking many different languages. As a result, people can’t communicate and the tower project is dropped faster than Noah’s Ark after the Great Flood. The culture is destroyed.
If being unified by the same language is really such a threat, what does today’s God think about globalization and the Internet? Sure, he’s tried to disperse and confuse humankind with some difficult and scary languages. But, so far, Fortran, COBOL and BASIC haven’t done too much damage. The Tower of Babel is certainly here today, only we’ve built it not with bricks but with electrons.
The creation of Lilith
You think Eve was bad? Then you do not want to mess with Lilith. According to the text of the Jewish Talmud, Lilith was a demon seductress – a succubus – who lived around the time of Adam and Eve. Some traditions describe her as Adam’s first wife. Others describe her as Adam’s post-Eve lover. And love they did – she and Adam were parents to many strange non-humans.
One interesting point about Lilith comes from the anonymous medieval text, “The Alphabet of Ben-Sira“. God created Adam from scratch – collecting up dust, dirt, mud, snips, snails and puppy dog tails. Eve was created from parts of Adam. Not so with Lilith – she too was created from scratch, just like Adam, and was then introduced to him. The world’s first argument - the first ever Holy Squabble – was about Lilith’s equality to Adam. Lilith refused to submit – socially and sexually – and so Lilith was banished and demonized.
The snake in the Garden of Eden
The evil Satan – disguised as a snake – enters The Garden of Eden and tricks Adam and Eve into eating the Forbidden Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The next step, then, is to banish those stupid humans.
Couldn’t God have predicted this? Yes. So why didn’t he do anything to prevent it? Why allow Satan access at all?
If you have a child who doesn’t know any better, and the kid screws up by messing with something they didn’t understand, it is right to blame the child? Or do you blame the parent?
Parents are responsible for the behavior of children. They’re not always accountable, but it’s easy to argue they should be, at least in the case of the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were mentally just little innocent tykes, barely out of their fig-leaf diapers. In today’s language, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is the Internet. And the forbidden fruit, I suppose, is represented by some weird Japanese porn. You don’t let your little innocent kids browse the Internet unsupervised. Yet God, in all His knowledge, seems to have no experience with parental controls.
The existence of Satan, demons, and various Bad Things
Yes, yes, I know: “Without the contrast of evil, we wouldn’t have good.” I’m not talking philosophy, I’m talking the practicality of taking a loved creation and willingly subjecting it to pain and grief.
Say that you are God. After a hard week creating the Universe, you finish icing your cosmic cake with The Garden of Eden and humankind. And then you allow Evil Incarnate to just hang out with your children? A good parent allows children to learn from mistakes, but still prevents the children from really hurting themselves. God failed in His moral responsibility to his creation. At the very least, the Garden of Eden should’ve had better critter control.
Why is there no creature able to deal with the Evil Serpent? Where is the Mongoose of Truth?
Conclusion
This is just a brief look at the Christian God’s most popular and well-known stories. And even in these, mistakes are easy to find. If you treat Biblical stories as literal interpretations, God made a lot of mistakes. If you treat them as educational allegories, they still don’t make sense when analyzed critically. I mean, really, take almost any religious story of creation, and what we know today about evolution: do we really need a supernatural explanation as to why men have nipples?
Unfortunately for us, God never gave us a Mongoose of Truth. Luckily, we don’t need one. We learn from our mistakes and evolve. In this way, we make our own destiny.
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